Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
