I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
