I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
