so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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