you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
