I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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