i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Randomize
