But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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