Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
