I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
