So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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