Kiss
Puke
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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