I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
