look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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