3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize