My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
