i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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