He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
