Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
