I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
