im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
so much tequila, so little girl.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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