Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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