i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
