why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
