We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
