I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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