so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
