and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
