yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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