Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
