just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
