I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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