i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
