If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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