I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
