You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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