So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
