Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
