I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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