Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
