Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
