Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
