I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
