well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
