she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
