How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
