The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
