my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
