Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i want to swaddle you in tequila
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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