I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize