Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
