dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
