So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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