I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you win again, gameday.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
