With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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