He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
barbara walters just said penis...
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
