I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The air was thick with penises
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize