So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
