I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
