whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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