I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
