i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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