highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
