It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
