Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
People in love make me want to vomit
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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