The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
