We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
God I need to hump something, right now.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
