it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
