he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
