i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
