Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize