Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Is Oprah even human
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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