Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
