If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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