Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
