I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
