Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
