Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
