TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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