I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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