I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
