remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
