You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize