i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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