I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
