Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
