Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
